In a limbo

Been thinking alot about everything.

I've been a bad boy.
I've been lying all the time, for the past few years or so.
To myself.

I told myself, if you treat people well, people will treat you well too.
Apparently, i really believed in Karma, or 'do what you want others to do you'.
It's either the world is too fucked up to follow this wonderful logic, or i'm so fucked up that i believe in it.

Ends up what happen?
I give my 195% to people who i deemed as important.
Didn't seem like it reap what it deserves.
All the time.
I'm not trying to do things and asking for returns.
All i ask for is just to be appreciated.

Apparently it also cause vicious cycle.
People only treat you good when they need your help.
Thus, you can say, it's labelled as 'Sucker'.
You know, like those kinda old time cartoons.

Really, i'm tired of all this.
I'm tired of being a nice person.
I'm really tired.

Yes, i know it has its perks.
I get to make friends with even the most difficult of people.
And i do get help from people around me.
I appreciate that.
Really i do.
These are the reasons why i can't bring myself to change.

But still....
I don't 'doing what you want others to do to you' befalling in the way i want it to.
Seriously.

Sometime, i give so much to people, and it doesn't seem to reciprocate.
So am i just stupid to do so much?
Come to think of it, isn't it a good food for thought?
'If output is the same, would you still give in more than what is needed?'

I think i just need to take some time, and really think over.
How should i face life.
How should i go about dealing with life.
How should i walk my life.

The more important a person is to you, the more greater will they leave a hole in your heart.
For they have a great portion of your heart.

I think the CNY post can come later or something.

It's Chinese New Year, i know.
But i guess i'm just a fucked-up worry wart, always worrying about things that i shouldn't be worrying about.
So, i guess posts about CNY and all those can wait.
Not in the mood to share it happily, though i was definitely happy about it.

So what's up this time, you must be asking, right?
It's just some thing that bothers me, never fail to bug me.
You know, nothing bothers me as much as this subject.
Ok, from now on, until the end of this post, you might not understand a single thing that i'm gonna say.
It's normal. It was not meant to be understood. I just want to release the feelings. I just want to feel better.
So if you get it, so be it. If you don't, too bad. And if you don't like it, feel free to click the red button over the top right corner.

I know that it is natural. The things that's going on now (Or what i thought might be going on), is natural.
Damn natural.
But i couldn't bring myself to let go, much less let loose.
Just as i thought i was ready to let loose, an idiot just have to say something.
And it just upsets me.
And only to make me realise, i'm not ready afterall.

I know, i'm being over-zealous.
I know, i'm just being too overboard with my 'duty'.
But hey, what if she gets hurt?

And now, with that in mind, i think i going back to what i think she didn't like me to be.
Fuck it, i can't help it too.
And the more i think about it, the more i have to agree.
That, the problem is me, and nobody else.

It's selfish for me to put my personal feelings inside.
Yes, i admit i am jealous.
Yes, i admit i am jealous.
And yes, i admit i am jealous.

You know, the valet lady in my workplace, did highlighted my weakness/fear.
Spot on, hitting the nail on the head.
But that's just the surface.
There's something deeper. But i don't wanna let anyone know.

It's becoming a problem, and it's gonna get worse if it's not gonna be curb soon.
It's excruciating, and i don't know what to do.
I'm stuck in a limbo.

I don't know what to do now. I really don't know what to do.
I think i'm thinking too much.

That's my weakness.
I tend to think too much about the things/subject/person i concern.
To the point i start to feel negative.
A fucked-up bad point about me.

What should i do now?

A new year... And another adding up to my age.

Hey guys~
Ah, so another one years is added up to my age.
So, i'm not really young anymore uh....

Ah, so shall i talk about how did the new year went?

Start with new year's eve, shall i?
Was working on that day.
Had seen fireworks happening at 3 different location.

And man.... It's perfectly awesome, if you asked me...
Well.... Would have been much better if i wasn't feeling sick or being scolded by guests.
But hey, the fireworks really lifted up my mood =)

Ah....
So today marks the end of my teenage years.
Um, feel nothing special actually =X
Hahaha~

But seeing how things go, i might wanna try this.
I will show the journey of my changes (if any)
Haha~

So we'll start with whatever i dug out from my computer, Facebook etc.

This was the first camwhore picture which i took, with the intention of making into my profile picture.
I look kinda big-headed here. Hahaha~

Oooo~  My favorite profile picture at that time.
Was suppose to make my coordinate look like it's inspired by my idol.
But think it didn't go that well uh?
And come to think of it, such a waste the bangs were too short....
If only it was longer....

By this time, my hair was cut short, for the sake of DHHM.
Something which i didn't really like actually.
But hey, they say it suits me.
So awww well....
Note that there's a hand up on my shoulder.
Who's fingers are these? 0.0

I still remember this.
Initially, i got a number that is at the back... Which means that i would have to wait a very long time for my turn, which in turn would make me even more nervous.
Luckily, Faizoul (Or was he?) had a switch with me, so i got with my favorite number.

Ahhh~  Here's my favorite picture of all time yet.
I love this. How it turned out.
I didn't realise when it was taken.
At that moment of time, i was actually panicking, don't know what to do.
Was already messing up so so much.
I'd say the photographer is a pro, to turn a picture of a panicked me into something so nice. Hahaha~

Hahaha~  Was fooling around with Sis in MOS Burger in Ngee Ann City that day.
She took it, and laughing her ass off.
My gosh, for one moment there, even i myself find it humorous, at how i could make my face turned out like that.
You think? =D

Pictures of me mixing.
The top one was at BluJazz, during last year's Vibes and the bottom one was when i was at this school's (Can't remember the name) event EMP sent us.
On a random note, Vernon A was there.

Man... He's a real friendly guy =D

This was taken last year.
I'd say, the most memorable excursion in my poly life.
I'd really enjoyed myself for the day. It was so so fun.
Hahaha~
Made me realised that, i love visiting places like these. Hahaha~

These was much more recent.
This was taken when i went for interview for the job i'm having now.
Yup, this is also the first time i took the cable car. Hahaa~

Right after a day or two, i play for Spin City.
I like what i played that day.
But sadly, there wasn't any crowd.
Don't think anyone likes it =(

And this....
The backdrop was fantastic. It's no wonder why everyone likes to take picture here, honestly.
Need i say more? =D

So that's how i look like now =D
Before the current haircut.
But hey, once it grows out... It's the same =_=
Hahahaha~~~~

So, guys.
How you see the change here?
Hahahaha~

Ok, i wanna play my games now.
Yes, did i mention that i am back to playing maple?
It feels so nostalgic.

Ahhh~
Niteeeeeee~~~ =D