Hello again.

Hey guys, it's been terribly long since i've visited here, much less posted something.
It's a blink of an eye and 3 months had past since the day of my enlistment.
Many things happened. So much so, they are something that the me 3 months ago would not expect to happen at all.
Overall, i'd say the experiences i had were somewhat extraordinary, to a certain extent.

First, i think i've changed physically.
I have definitely became more darker.
Perhaps as dark as i was when i was in NPCC, in my secondary school days.
And that, i am more physically fit, as compared to my pre-enlistment days, as what i heard from the people around me.
Perhaps it's due to the vigorous training that was given to us every single day.
And those that i put on top of all those that was already given to us.
I want to be better.
Well, and i can just say that life rewards those who gave their best in achieving what they want.

Next, it'd be that i've changed mentally as well.
Maybe it's the physical change that affects my confidence as well. I don't know.
The only thing i know is that i am more confident than how i used to be.
But at the same time, i think i'm starting to feel tired about how ugly human nature can really be.
Although i know of this for quite some time, but now, i start to realise i should do something about it.

I found, no, i should say i re-found my purpose for my life.
You could say, i re-realised how important my family can mean to me.
How much they can power me to do things beyond the limiter i gave to myself, mentally and physically.
Even if they have changed so so much as compared to the past, nothing can change the bond.

On love wise, i think i am really putting a rest to it.
I have been trying too hard.
Only now i realised that, i was never my fault that i can't get anyone.
I realised that it is that they don't have good eyes to see the good out of me.
Too bad for them, it's their loss.

And i am sick and tired of girls rejecting me with 'You are a nice guy, you deserve someone better'.
Fuck you. Who doesn't want to be treated nicely?
If you don't want me, just tell me straight, or that 'we are not compatible' and full stop, that is good enough.
You don't need to tell me that, it makes me feel like being nice is a fault itself.
It's just being hypocritical to say something like 'you are nice' and shit like that as a way to reject someone.
What? Is it that you like being treated like shit? You like to be abused?
Fuck, i can't understand at all.

If i am going to find someone in the future, i really want someone who can be Bonnie and Clyde with me.
We can be partners-in-crime, we can go places together and can be both lovers and best of friends all at the same time.
We can even go like 'It's you and me against the world' or something along those line.
I always long for something like those, but never did came true.
I don't think i found that someone who can make me feel that.
I wonder when will that time come?

I just returned from Field Camp.
It was something i dreaded alot, even before i enlisted.
Now that i think back, how the hell did i even managed to survive the past 6 days?
I can't understand at all.
But one thing i know, the heart in me which screams to go back home safely and in one piece just pushes me hard through the whole predicament, the longing of wanting to go back home makes me hang on even at the toughest of time.
I guess that is where it re-enforces the purpose of me doing and survive this whole thing, life itself.

I guess i am a changed man now, after all the things that have happened.
Is it good or bad? I have no idea.
The only thing i know is that i have changed, and that is that.